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[leaveofabsence]

[ The default voicemail message greets you. ]

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[leaveofabsence]

I have no doubts you would be handsome no matter what form you took.

[ And he cradles the cup carefully in his hands ]

Ah, but before I drink - please make sure all your important breakables are safely stored. I would hate to damage anything that is precious to you.

[childeishly]

[ looks zhongli up and down. ] ...silly Zhongli, that's you. You're the most precious thing in this cabin.

[leaveofabsence]

Perhaps.

But I am also not breakable.

[childeishly]

I guess we have nothing to worry about then.

But if it makes you feel better, [ he'll start moving furniture to the far sides of the cabin, leaving the center just a bit empty space! ] how's that?

1/2

[leaveofabsence]

[ He nods appreciatively, taking a seat in the exact center of the empty space back straight and legs crossed.

He smiles at Childe before taking a long sip from the teacup. ]

[leaveofabsence]

[ And then---

POOF

--- all that remains is a lumpy pile of Zhongli's clothes. ]

1/ i have no idea

[childeishly]

[ this is going to be good. ]

[childeishly]

[ did he blink and miss it? somehow?? ] Ah, ...

[childeishly]

Xiansheng? [ takes a cautious step closer. ]

[childeishly]

[ aaaand immediate panic spike. ]

...oh dear Celestia I killed him. I fucken killed him.

[childeishly]

I have always wanted to win against you, Zhongli Xiansheng.

[childeishly]

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO WIN LIKE THIS!

ok done.

[childeishly]

[ goes to the pile of clothes and stoops down, picking up zhongli's jacket ( or attempting to! ) because he's going to fold it. ] You said you're not breakable and I somehow broke you... dummy.

[leaveofabsence]

[ Something squishy squirms within the jacket, thrashing until it falls and lands on the floor with an indignant squawk.

And now Childe is staring down the barrel of a petite, plush sized dragon with narrowed eyes and tail lashing. ]

Childe!

1/2

[childeishly]

[ he stares right back... ]

/3 i lied

[childeishly]

[ what the fuck. ]

[childeishly]

[ . . . ]

LOOK AT YOU, XIANSHENG,
YOU'RE SO CUTE!

[leaveofabsence]

[ Flattens to the ground, covering his head with his tiny paws as he's trying to get a sense of what he looks like.

Ah yes.

Those are horns. ]

Childe...




Indoor voices.

[childeishly]

[ scoops him up! HE CAN'T RESIST. ] But... I can't help it!

[leaveofabsence]

[ At first, the small dragon flails as he is suddenly airborne not of his own power. But when he realizes what it is happening, he burrows into Childe's arms, tiny claws prickling through the fabric of his sleeves and tail looping as much as it can around his waist. ]




This is not what I expected.

[childeishly]

I'm going to be honest... this is not what I expected either. [ stifles a bit of a laugh and brings zhongli close to his chest. ] Maybe I didn't use enough, ..? But, ah, Xiansheng. I didn't know you could BECOME so small. You're really too cute. [ snuggles his face into zhongli's back. ] You look like an adorable stuffed animal.

[ he's going to head to bathroom to show him! ]

[leaveofabsence]

[ While he is being moved around, Zhongli is going to continue to huddle closer and closer to Childe until he's practically a second scarf. ]

[childeishly]

[ as soon as he enters the bathroom he flips the light on and points to the mirror, his other hand giving zhongli’s head a small boop. ]

Look Xiansheng.

[leaveofabsence]

[ He rubs at where Childe booped him with his paws before looking at himself in the mirror.

He baps his paws on his own cheeks while still half curled around Childe's neck, resulting in soft paffing sounds. ]

This is---

Squishier than my normal form.

[childeishly]

[ childe, meanwhile, is BEAMING behind him. how is he so cute! it's melting his heart. ] I'd imagine so. I'm sorry, Xiansheng, but I can't see you striking fear into anybody's hearts looking like this. [ kisses the top of his head. ] You're the cutest God of War I've ever seen.