leaveofabsence | Imeeji Inbox

That is a very specific instance. And if you find never dying more useful than a hinderance I will not fault you or judge you for that.

You say you are her Oracle. And that she grants you visions.

But the power imbalance here is very apparent. That is why I asked if she was fair to you. If she treats you kindly.

I found out about it during the worst game that the Producers run here: Betrayal. It’s round after round after round of idols killing each other, possessed by ghosts or not. I did almost ten times there, in some fucked up ways that still chill me to the core. [ and haunt her nightmares. ] …so I don’t know anymore, honestly.

…well obviously. We weren’t on even ground to start, and I’m surprised I got anything at all. But she’s never specifically don’t anything to purposefully hurt me. She runs games, as all hosts do, but in the few instances we’ve spend time together she’s been fine. I do care about her, I think, stupid as that probably is.

It is not as you put it - stupid to care about people. That is your kindness and your strength.

My only concern is if that care is returned even if she cannot go against the rules of her role in this production.

I think she does care. I enjoy her company and I doubt she would have agreed to go this far if there wasn’t something there, y’know?

Then I will trust your judgement on the matter. But if you do discuss it at any time, I am here. I have known a few humans who have had relations with adepti, so I may be able to offer their stories for comparison.

[ ...trust her judgement. no one trusts her judgement. ] H- heh, thanks. I might need to. I just... don't know how to feel about all of this stuff sometimes. Like, I definitely know this was probably foolish, but... maybe I'll have finally found somebody who won't leave me...

The people that we love never leave us. Even if they cannot be physically present with us anymore.

I guess that's true, but that still doesn't really help with all the loneliness. But that's probably human nature or something, ...being somewhat needy when it comes to feelings and junk.

No. It really does not.

So if she can help curb the pain of loneliness then I am grateful that you have found that respite. But also as your friend, I would ask that when you have the peace of mind to do so that you examine that neediness to see if it is helping or harming you. An open heart is more vulnerable than one kept locked away, after all.

...and a thoroughly broken heart needs someone or something to help it heal. [ she gets up and moves down the beach. ]

[ Follows, though he's staying far enough from the shore so the tide doesn't wash over his shoes. ]

Might I ask a theoretical question then?

Go right ahead.

I will admit this questions is a bit personal. I work at a funeral parlor, so seeing those grieving and left behind is nothing new. I've lost many friends along my journey as well. And yet I never know what condolences to offer. Not for them and not for myself.

What would you say to someone in a similar situation as yourself who has been left behind?

I don't know. If I had an answer perhaps I wouldn't feel like this so often.

I see. Perhaps that was an unfair question.

Then I will hope that this relationship gives you the stability you are seeking.

No. It's not unfair at all. It's difficult to, like, access your own life sometimes, so trying to do so from another perspective can be eye-opening. I just don't know what I'd tell somebody in my shoes, mostly because I feel like most people wouldn't get here... Am I smart? Am I stupid? Is it a bit of both? [ laughs. ] It is what it is and I think I already ran past the point of no return, so it's time to commit.

I do not think it is either if you are sticking to your principles. And staying the course might be the wisest choice.

But if at any point you do wish to turn back, know that Heart will be there for you. We all care about you very much.

No one but you on Heart knows and I'd like to keep it that way until I decide to tell anybody else. If I decide to tell anybody else.

[ Ah, one of those deals ]

Then your secret is safe with me. And my word is solid as stone.

But might I know why you wanted to trust this information with me in particular? Are you concerned that something may happen soon in this relationship?

I doubt Hurricane would take it well... though I do plan to see if I can't tell him at some point. Alisaie is too new. And as for you, it'd probably be safe if somebody on the team knew, but we both want to see Heart safe and you're pretty level-headed when it comes to things, so... that's why.

Then is there anything I should be on the lookout for - some sign you could give me if you needed help regarding this particular topic.

My affiliation with "Heaven" seems to make anything Vengeance related have quite the effect on me. I'm not sure if that's still the case, since it hasn't come up again, but during one game I touched something belonging to them and temporarily lost my memories.

I see.

Might I ask then what do you plan to do when you graduate?

I don't know. [ shrugs. ] ...a couple people I care about are serving in Vengeance Hell, having graduated there. And my fiance went back home, having taken Heaven's offer, and he invited me there...

Is it weird to think I'll never graduate?

It is a little sad to think so. But not strange. Some have been here longer than you, yes?

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