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[leaveofabsence]

[ The default voicemail message greets you. ]

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[leaveofabsence]

Then I hope you are prepared for a quiet night of resting.

It's past my bedtime, you know.

[outofoffice]

Awww, come now. I could play something for you! Or read you some of that poetry you care for. None of my own compositions, I promise.

[leaveofabsence]

Such a proposition seems one-sided. Perhaps I could suggest something that requires more active participation on both our behalves.

[outofoffice]

A duet?

[leaveofabsence]

Are your thoughts really so pure?

[outofoffice]

[ A beat ]






Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, you're putting moves on me!

[leaveofabsence]

And very poorly so, given your reaction.

[outofoffice]

[ Climbing his way into Zhongli's lap now ]

Aw, don't take offense. I spent a thousand years flirting with you and you were too blockheaded to notice. It seems I need to adjust to the idea that you're doing it back~

[leaveofabsence]

Yes, there was a whole section in this book I read on how pulling on one's ponytail or braids is a sign of affection.

It was quite fascinating.

[outofoffice]

Hey, I also wrote you many pretty verses! I don't think you caught on, though, because you just critiqued my rhyme schemes. I moped for three days, and the wind didn't blow in Mondstadt at all!

[ He says, grinning fondly as he tugs at some of that hair. On cue. ]

[leaveofabsence]

[ HOLD UP THERE, SIR. He blinks owlishly at Venti even as his hair is tugged to one side. ]





Those were for me?

[ This does not compute ]

[outofoffice]

[ By some miracle of self-control, he does not burst out laughing ]

They were, yes.

[leaveofabsence]

[






Oh. ]

In retrospect, then, while I stand by my critiques, I believe that some might have come across as... harsh.

[ As in scathing.

Brutal even. ]

[outofoffice]

[ Okay. He does start laughing helplessly now, burying his face in Zhongli's shoulder. ]

So you see, [ in-between giggles ] I simply have some adjusting to do.

[leaveofabsence]

[ Then he misses Zhongli's extremely serious expression. ]

Would more direct flirting help such an adjustment period.

[outofoffice]

[ SIR ]

Oh yes, I'm sure it would.

[ The amusement drips off every word ]

[leaveofabsence]

Very well. I shall research the matter more thoroughly for a better performance in the future.

[outofoffice]

[ god he loves one (1) idiot so much. ]

Hehehe . . . okay, do your best!

But in the meantime . . . I'm still interested in a duet~

[leaveofabsence]

[ Give him a few seconds to process ]

And that is not an innuendo?

1/2

[outofoffice]

[ CELESTIA HELP HIM ]

[outofoffice]

Let me phrase things more clearly.

[ Using his grip on Zhongli's hair to pull him in until they're nose-to-nose ]

I want to fuck your pebble-shaped brains out.

[leaveofabsence]

[ Licks the tip of Venti's nose ]

I believe this would proceed more smoothly if you were as forthcoming in the future.

[outofoffice]

[ Wiggles said nose a bit, then shoves Zhongli over onto the bed. (With great effort, might we add) ]

The poet in me is weeping, but I cannot deny the evidence before my eyes.

[leaveofabsence]

The poet in you had many reasons to weep before. What is one more reason atop the others?

[ And then blandly, as if he was not looking up at Venti's smug face ]

Also I believe it is my turn to---

[ What did the youth call it now? ]

Top.

[outofoffice]

[ Opens his mouth to defend the plight of poets everywhere, but then gets distracted ]

Huh . . . ? Hey, you're keeping track?!